Whenever you go against the norm you will undoubtably face opposition. It is often hard to take especially when it is coming from those that you hold dear and who’s opinions matter to you. When others question your decision to homeschool your children it can feel like an attack on you personally. It is quite often not that the person is trying to attack you but that they are uneducated about homeschooling which leads them to question you and perhaps your abilities.
When I first started homeschooling I had a family member tell me that he would feel obligated to report me to child welfare if he did not feel my children we learning appropriately. He would then proceed to quiz my children each time he saw them. Following his quizzing one day he began questioning me as to why my five year old wasn’t doing multiplication yet. At one point he had me in tears as he berated me and accused me of depriving my children of an education. We no longer have that person in our live but for the longest time I felt I needed to prove myself to them, which leads me to my first point.
You Don’t Need to Prove Yourself
It is natural to want to please people and this is definitely true when it comes to homeschooling. There is nothing you need to prove to questioning family members, friends or lady at the checkout. It the early days whenever someone would ask about homeschool I would feel obligated to justify my decision with my children’s academic success or how many friends they had.
If anyone asked public school parents these questions it would feel totally out of line. They would not feel the need to spout off all their children’s achievements just to appease you.
The only place that you may need to prove yourself to is to government officials who oversee homeschooling if reporting is something that needs to be done in your state.
You Know Your Children Best
There is no one else in this world who loves your children more or knows them as intimately as you. As a parent you always try to give your child the best that you can. I have felt at times that my mother can feel that my decision to homeschool my children reflects poorly on her decision to send me to a public school. They aren’t trying to be offended but I think that it can feel that way for them at times despite that not being the case.
No one else has the insight into what your child needs more than you. There is a reason we have mother’s intuition. You as your child’s parents have the dominion over your child not a school, or anyone else. It is you alone that is privileged to be able to make the choices about their education.
Concern Comes From a Place of Love
It is hard to remember when you feel like you are being interrogated about your decision that their questioning comes from a place of love. If they didn’t care for your children they wouldn’t bother expressing their opinions to you.
Homeschooling is still very underrepresented in many areas. Those of an older generation may not have any insight in to what homeschooling is or what it looks like. They already have preconceived ideas about what it will be like and fear that their grandchildren/nieces/nephews etc will miss out on what they feel are important aspects of education and childhood.
It may not even be the children they are concerned about. They may be concerned for you the teacher. I still feel guilty at times for complaining when I have had a particularly rough day. I seems like at times I can’t complain because of tiredness, or mental exhaustion or just wanting a break from my children because “I chose this life”. A common response to my exhaustion or crappy mood is that “maybe you need to put the kids in school”. So I will give you the advice I need to actually take myself! It is okay to have a bad day and to want to run away and hide with a block of chocolate. I have actually done that. I went to the store and bought a huge block of chocolate and some strawberry milk. I then drove home parking half way down my street and sat on Facebook for an hour before going inside. Everyone has those days whether you homeschool or not. Sometimes people just need to be reminded of that.
Homeschooling Myths
Sometimes people just have no idea about what homeschooling is really like. All they know are the myths and stereotypes that surround it. I remember when my mother came visit from overseas, and we went to the park. She came running over to me in shock that Auron had made a friend on the playground! She then told everyone she saw that day about how her homeschooled grandson made a friend all by himself. The whole idea that he would be able to make friends was new to her. I have also had people comment on how confident my daughter and well spoken is and yet again be shocked when they learn she is homeschooled.
The prevailing misconception about homeschooled children is that they are social misfits. Are there socially awkward homeschooled kids? Absolutely but they would probably be socially awkward wherever they went to school. Homeschooled children on a whole are some of the most well rounded, confident and accepting children you will find.
I told my 8 year old last week that people thought that homeschooled kids won’t have friends. He thought I was joking, yet the misrepresentation continues.
The myth that homeschooled children will not receive an adequate education also prevails. No matter where you get your education there are bound to be gaps. Homeschooled children generally outperform traditionally schooled children on every level.
One of the biggest push backs I have experienced is in regard to how will my children learn how to behave in public. Their biggest hang up was how will they learn how to stand in a line if they don’t go to kindergarten. I assured them that they would have plenty of line standing practice when we took them to Disneyland. People seem to put so much responsibility on schools and teachers for teaching parts of life that we as parents can handle ourselves. A day at Disney was a much more fun way to learn how to stand in a line rather that a year in Kindergarten am I right?!
What is the Best Response to People Who Disapprove of Homeschooling
Assess Where They are Coming From
Are they asking questions because they are genuinely curious how it will all work, or are they just being ignorant about it. If they are being curious then enlighten them. Share all the wonderful things you are excited about. The more informed people are the less judgement there will be for you and for others.
If they are just being nasty and unwilling to listen shut the conversation down quickly. It is 100 percent appropriate to say “I am not talking about this anymore” and walk away.
Be Honest and Direct
I have found the best policy is always honesty. Don’t feel the need to sugar coat things or justify your choices. Be honest and say that this is the best choice for YOUR children. When you skirt around and avoid being direct it just tends to open the door for more intrusive questioning.
Don’t Let People Quiz Your Kids
It took me a long time to be brave enough to tell people to back off. People don’t suddenly start throwing math equations out to public schoolers at family dinners so it is no appropriate to do it to homeschoolers either. Chances are even if your kids answer every question correctly they will still find away to bring them down. Such as saying “they are too smart, they need to have a childhood”.
Encourage Your Children to Share What they are Learning
Just as public schooled students love to tell their family and friends what they are doing in school, homeschooled kids can do just the same. This also helps keep the questions at bay when family are reassured you aren’t just keeping them locked inside watching tv all day.
Involve Extended Family
For many grandparents they look forward with great enthusiasm the opportunity to go to grandparents day, and watch those adorable school productions. They want to have something tangible to share with their friends about what their grandbabies are doing at school. The can be mourning these lost opportunities to revel in their grandparent privileges.
Try to involve them in your activities where possible. Invite them to accompany you on field trips, or to come for poetry teatime. They will soon see that they can be just as involved if not more so now than if they were in traditional school.
Some people just won’t agree with homeschooling regardless of what you do or say. That is okay, not everyone needs to agree with everything you do. What is important is that there is a respect there. My mother who totally supports us homeschooling still asks me when and where I am going to send them to school. It used to bother be a lot but not so much anymore. Remember that you are your children’s biggest advocate. If you feel homeschooling is what is best for them, then be firm and proud in your conviction to do what is right for your child despite opposition.
