There is nothing worse as a parent than watching your child suffer. It tears at the very core of your being. There is no doubt that bullying is on the rise. In an age of social media and the ability to act anonymously and hide behind a screen it can feel like there is no escape. Very young children are even resorting to suicide.
The statistics are horrifying. If your child is suffering from serious and on going bullying homeschool may be your answer. It does not have to be a forever thing but it can give your child the chance they need to heal. A child who is experiencing bullying and trauma is not going to be learning appropriately or having the childhood every child deserves.
There are so many fears about removing your child from school and very often a lot of opposition. Whether it comes from the school itself or from family and friends it can be tough to handle. But remember this is your child and you know and love them the most. Talk to your child, make a decision together. Ask yourself can I provide a happier, safer and more learning conducive environment for your child to receive their education and enjoy their childhood?
Is Homeschool Isolating?
One of the main fears that people have about removing their children is that they are just going to isolate their child even more. Homeschooled children are far from isolated. There are so many incredible opportunities for children to be involved in, where they can make friends and enjoy all those social connections schooled children receive.
There are homeschool proms, sports teams, classes, field trips, camps, and so much more.
You will find that homeschooled children are some of the most loving and accepting children you could meet. Many children have been removed from school due to bullying so they can relate. Others have never experienced the social constructs of the school system so are unaffected by it. This results in children who are more open to the quirkiness of some kids that often leads to bullying. They experience less peer pressure and are on a whole far more confident and resilient in standing up for themselves and others despite outside pressure. I have seen this first hand over and over again.
Children who are homeschooled interact in real life situations. They play, and form social circles with children based on maturity and interests rather than age. This results a deep connections and mutual respect and acceptance.
If you are still fearful of your child becoming isolated, enrol them in extracurricular activities like dance, sports, drama, or the like.
A bullied child is much more likely to have healthier social interactions as a homeschooled child than they ever would remaining in an environment where they are fearful, and unhappy all day long.
Won’t it Just Teach Them to Run From Their Problems?
I can understand how people could and do interpret resorting to homeschooling as running away. If we put ourselves in our children’s shoes would we endure the situation knowing we could get out or would we leave? Why should we expect our children to stay and endure situations that we ourselves would not tolerate or expect any other adult to tolerate?
Yes children need to be resilient and learn how to face negativity, but at some point we need to say enough is enough. When the bullying becomes relentless and despite all the best efforts from yourselves as parents and your child there is no change it is time to think about finding another way out.
When you decide to homeschool due to bullying it is not allowing your child run from the problem it is protecting your child from the life long damage it can cause. It is allowing your child to heal and become whole again. It is about taking your child away from a situation so that they can learn how to better deal with similar situations. It very many cases it is saving your child’s life.
If you knew a woman who was constantly insulted, beaten and threatened by her partner would you encoring her to stay and face her problems or would you tell her to get out of there as fast as she can?
Bullying is a Part of Life
When I first started homeschooling one of the questions I was asked was “but how will they learn how to be bullied?”. I was gobsmacked. Is this what society is coming to?
Yes there are people who are going to not like you. They may not like you for many reasons, but they may just decide they don’t like you for no reason at all. That does not mean they get to torment and harass you.
Children need to learn how to deal with people who may not see eye to eye with them. They need to know how to be diplomatic. The need to know how to be respectful of others who think or live differently to them. The need to learn all these things but being bullied is not how they are going to learn it.
My younger brother has been bullied severely at different periods of his life. He has had his head smashed into desks and the bathroom door blocked so he wet his pants. What did this teach him? It taught him that he was worthless and he had no friends. It taught him that he wasn’t safe and there was something wrong with him. He lost his self confidence. He went from a child full of life and hope to a child who began looking for acceptance in all the wrong places. A child who has now made so many bad choices and still many years later is still dealing with the consequences of the actions of a few kids who thought it was okay to beat someone down so far that they felt there was nothing left. I doubt that those kids ever really understood the extent of what they have done to him or the heartache it has caused our family.
Shouldn’t the School Fix the Problem?
Yes the school has a responsibility. Unfortunately a schools jurisdiction only goes so far. They rise of social media pushes the limits of how far the school can intervene.
Schools have a responsibility to provide children with a safe place to receive a quality education. Sometimes the school is powerless to stop bullying. Something needs to be done but no one seems to have an answer. Don’t wait around for the school to figure out what to do. Bullying is evolving and consequences are having a hard time keeping up.
A school can remove a bully from the school for a day or even indefinitely but that is no promise that the bullying will stop. In many cases it can cause it to intensify. Other solutions are to isolate the bullied child but that only punishes the victim even more. There absolutely needs more to be done to combat bullying. It needs to come from schools, homes, families and communities.
We can not lay all responsibility for our children on the school. Yes they have to answer for some of the responsibility but you as your child’s parents have the highest form of responsibility. Do not be afraid to exercise it.
My Child has Special Needs
A lot of children are bullied because they are different. Special needs makes kids special and unfortunately and easy target. It is horrible. It makes me feel sick to my stomach knowing how some children are treated.
Children with additional needs do well in a homeschool environment. The school system is set up to provide and education for the typical child. They find it difficult to accomodate children who require extra assistance.
In my experience there are a good proportion of children with special needs who are homeschooled. We attend a homeschool co-op group each week where over half of the children are on the autism spectrum or have ADHD. Do you know what though? there is no bullying. There is not judgement. There is friendship, and understanding, there is fun and games, there is inclusion and invites to birthday parties and oh my gosh the laughter. These kids are weird and funny. Those kids who are neuro-typical understand. They see their friend stimming and they don’t care. They know when they need a break and they have learnt how to care for each other. It is truely a beautiful thing to see.
There is a camaraderie among parents. There are happy kids who have friends and are accepted for just being who they are. And that my friends is what we want for our children. We want them to be happy.
If you want to read more about how homeschooling can be a blessing for your Autistic or ADHD child you will want to read the following two posts. They are full of ideas about different curriculum and ideas about how to create and homeschool environment where they can thrive.
Homeschooling on the Autism Spectrum
Homeschooling with ADHD
Just because you homeschool does not mean you will deprived of the resources and therapies provided by your school. Most school districts in each state allow a child with a IEP to still access the therapies provided by the school. There are also many other ways to obtain these resources.
Can I Remove Child Mid-Year?
Yes you can. You are free to remove then from school whenever you wish. The first thing you will want to do is check with your state to see what paperwork, if any need to be filed. Sometimes you need to file a letter of intent other times you simply need to notify the school that you are removing them.
How Do I Start Homeschooling
If you are bringing home a child from school due to bullying the first thing you will want to do is deschool. Deschooling is the process in which a child who has been in the school system should be allowed to go through in order to adjust to homeschool effectively. There is no rush to quickly get the books out and have a whole curriculum prepared. I would say this step is probably the most essential step especially for children who have experienced the trauma following bullying.
Deschooling allows your child to recover and build their self esteem up again. It will help reignite the spark in life and gives them a chance to build new friendships and be free from pressure. I highly encourage you to read this post which goes in to much more detail around deschooling.
Once you are ready to start on the nitty gritty parts you will want to decide on what method of homeschooling you would like to follow. There are so many! Homeschooling really can seem overwhelming. This is why deschooling is good for you too! If will give you the chance to figure things out.
Charlotte Mason
Waldorf Education
Traditional Homeschool
Unschooling
If you are feeling totally out of your depth I would recommend an online school. Online schools are public/private school at home. You are sent all the work and have a teacher to oversee your child’s education and help whenever needed. As the parent you are the facilitator who encourages and ensures the work assignments are done. This model of schooling would work well for independent teenagers particularly. Once children reach their teenage years both parents are most often working. It can be difficult to have one parent come home to be with a child to homeschool them. If your child is responsible, and mature enough this could allow you to continue to work while you child complete their work at home with you checking in each night to ensure work is done. Where there is a will there is a way. Parents will often use this method and have grandparents watch the child too. Homeschooled students will often complete all required work in 2-3 hours at most.
Homeschool can be a wonderful and empowering choice for any child who is suffering from bullying. Life is far too short to be miserable every day.
