Last week I sat down to write a post and I just couldn’t. How could I write about homeschooling and all it’s wonderfulness when my homeschool was falling a part?
The truth was, it really wasn’t falling a part I was just having a really REALLY bad day. Nothing was going right, the kids screamed, fought like cats and dogs, it was ridiculously hot and the house looked like a bomb had gone off.
I was questioning whether I was doing the right thing, if my kids were actually learning everything they needed to know, and if I was really just doing a crap job at this whole homeschooling thing.
I have never wanted to send my kids to school more than I did that day. It suddenly dawned on me that I actually chose this life! I have three kids that I could easily go and enrol in the school down the road, that would leave me with the one year old. I could easily chuck him into daycare a few days a week and I would be free! Oh and imagine how clean my house would be?!
So what do you do when you feel like that?
1. Go Back to Your Reasons to Homeschool
One of the best things I have done for myself is to make a list of all the reason we have chosen to homeschool. It is days like this that I need this list. It is what brings me back down to reality and back to my senses.
If you don’t have a list yet I suggest you make one for such occasions. It will help you to see the bigger picture and realise that one bad day doesn’t negate all the amazing days you have had.
My list has evolved over the years and is something I refer to, often and adjust as needed.
2. Reevaluate Priorities
Sit down when you are feeling calmer and less anxious about the situation and assess what is really going on. Sometimes it is not even the homeschooling that is the problem.
External stressors such as relationships between spouses, children, parent and child can all create situations that cause tension. This has a flow on effect into all other areas of life including homeschooling.
If there is issues between family members perhaps you need to just take some time to work on those relationships before working on the homeschool side of things. Homeschool will always be there, relationships need to come first. When we put the relationships first we can then expect that harmony to flow over into school work.
Money can also be a huge stressor. Homeschooling can be expensive, and it is often being done on a single income. Sometimes we feel as though we need to overcompensate for our children’s lack of school activities and “socialisation” in schools by enrolling them in multiple classes, co-ops and field trips. These things cost money, they are not cheap! There are so many wonderful opportunities out there for our children but there are times when we really need to consider the “good” the “better” and the “best”.
If this is something that is hurting your homeschool and home life think about cutting back a little. Less hectic schedules are often best for everyone involved. Use the extra money and time you save to put towards something fun and relaxing that can be done together as a family, building memories and strengthening relationships.
Look at what you are doing each day and see if you can cut out the fluff so to speak. Prioritise what really needs to be done and what is extra. Cutting out some of the extra, non-essential things will give you more time to focus on what is important. It is better to do the important things really well rather than doing lots of things very poorly. Once you have a good handle on the essentials slowly start introducing the extras back in.
3. Take a Break
Feelings of failure are a key sign to homeschool burnout. You don’t want to go there, it’s not a pretty place! Homeschool burnout occurs when you become overworked, exhausted both mentally and emotionally and start to feel overwhelmed.
Homeschool burnout is almost bound to happen at some stage in your homeschooling journey. You can read more about how to recognise it and how to kick it’s butt here.
The best way to overcome feelings of failure is to just take a break. When we take a break we can step back and see things for how they are. When we come back to it we are revitalised and come with a renewed drive and desire to do better.
4. Look at Your Schedule
Homeschooling schedules are so different for every family. It actually takes awhile to figure out what works best for you.
I think this was one of the reasons I was heading for meltdown mode last week. I was pushing and pushing to keep to this “amazing” schedule that looked so good on paper yet it was pretty disastrous in its application to real life.
This schedule had worked perfectly the previous school year so what not now? Sometimes things just change, family dynamics change, kids change and the actually workload changes too. We just need to be a little more adaptable and willing to try something different before we hit meltdown.
There are a few different scheduling ideas you might want to check out:
5. Get Some Perspective
It is hard to have a true perspective when you are standing right in the middle of a disaster zone. That is why it is important to stop and take a step back to see what is really going on.
I have found talking things over with my husband to be the best way for me to gain the perspective I need. He is always my voice of reason when I think I am going to lose my mind in any situation. Other homeschool parents can offer great insight too. Many of them have been where you are. They have felt the same feelings, had the same problems and needed that little bit of extra encouragement at times too.
One of the benefits of asking other homeschooling parents for help is that they will almost always have some sage advice for you. If they lack the advice the will definitely be there to commiserate with you and love you through it!
I remember when I first started homeschooling and I was convinced I was failing because my son wasn’t reading at 5 1/2 and don’t even get me started on his counting ability! I shared my frustrations and feelings with a group of homeschool moms and they offered so much loving and reassuring advice to me. I have now passed that same advice on to many other new homeschool moms.
6. Make Time for Self Care
Moms are notorious for putting themselves at the bottom of the priority list. If you are going to homeschool, you really do need to put yourself a little closer to the top! It is not selfish. In fact it is in everyones best interest!
You can not care for others when you are running on an empty tank. Personally I like to roam the aisles of the grocery store alone. Then sit in the car and eat chocolate at the end of my street! I am sure my neighbours are wondering what I am doing, when they know I only live a few houses down the street haha.
Whatever you need to do to fill your tank, do it. When you have that energy and time to yourself to think and to switch off from the parenting, teaching and wrestling match referee you are better able to tackle anything that gets thrown at you. You will be calmer and more patient and in turn your children will work better. As a mother I know that my attitude, mood and behaviour make a huge impact on how the rest of the family feel.
7. Delegate
You don’t have to do everything yourself. Find ways to delegate tasks to others. Get your spouse to help with the homeschooling. They can listen to reading practices, test spelling words, read essays and many other tasks. There is also the housework, cooking, errands and taxi-ing kids around. My husband asked me last year what he could do to make my life easier. I resisted asking him for help because I wanted to believe I was super woman and could do it all. But in the end I knew he was showing his love for me by serving me. He is now my laundry fairy. I don’t even think about laundry anymore and it is HEAVEN!
There are some amazing meal services out there too!
There are many online schooling options. You can choose to have you entire curriculum online or just select certain subject to be done online. My kids have at times done math online which was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I would assign all their work on a Saturday night then on Friday the next week I would be emailed a report of what they did, what they passed and what they are still needing to work on. It was amazing.
Other online schooling options use virtual classrooms and have overseeing teachers who do the teaching. The curriculum is sent to you and children then complete the assignments turn them in for grading.
You can read more about online schooling here.
Even if you can delegate one or two tasks to others it can help so much in lightening your load.
Final Thoughts…
As you can see there are lots of ways to help overcome the feelings of failure when you are homeschooling. If you do really feel like it is just not going well and it isn’t right for your children and your family there is no shame in putting them into school. Sometimes that is the right decision for a family or a child. That in itself is not failure either, it is simply doing what is best for a family.
Homeschooling is amazing, wonderful and full of joy filled moments but there are times when you really question your sanity and if you are making the right choice. This is parenting! I don’t think any parent goes through life confident that they have every thing right all the time.
